Who I met when I took Ayahuasca, pt. 8

The Source is so beyond our level of existence that it could never accurately be represented on our plane of reality, so why try? I’m not trying, but I am expressing what I can, to share my truth. All I can do is piece together humble & inadequate language to honour what I experienced.

Nirvana, Samadi, Bliss — that place which is beyond the predicament of the human condition — is light & spacious compared to the daily grind which can be heavy, restrictive, sometimes suffocating. But how blessed am I! I brought some of the airy ethereal world back with me. I can walk between the lines of heaven & earth. There is now lightness in my steps. I can take everything easily, including life.

“But don’t send me back down to Earth yet. I’m not ready. I have more questions.”

The Universe giggled with amusement & compassion, “Don’t you, now?”

“What is my purpose or path? Why am I down there? What am I supposed to be doing? I don’t want to miss my chase to fulfill my mission?”

“What mission? There is no mission. There’s nowhere to go & nothing to do. Relax.”

Wait! Is God basically telling me to chill out? — Yes.

I guess I shouldn’t argue with the Creator. Okay then.

“You are pure expression,” my personalized lesson in eternal wisdom continued. “Hey, you already know this, but you seem to keep forgetting, so I’m going to remind you again, child. You are here to sing & write.”

Huh. What about saving the world? What about being great? What about being a high achiever like I always told myself I needed to be, to be seen, accepted, to be loved…? … …Ohhhhh, I get it now. My over-focusing on achievement stemmed from a lack of self-love, from feeling like I needed to prove myself, that I wasn’t okay as I was.

“But isn’t it good to feel that way if it pushes you to be better?”

“There is no better or worse. There is Pure Love, and you can meet this space of perfection in your being when you sit still & connect to it. When you move & act from this space, you are backed by all the power in the Universe. You will find this is notably different.”

“Yes, yes, yes…I see. Okay,” my poor, little mind was being blown with the Freedom being offered to me. “Alright, I get that & it makes so much sense. My whole life, I’ve been denying my passion in pursuit of things society tells me that I want, without making sense of whether they are actually right for me.”

We just want to fit in, keep up, show off, have the friends, the gadgets, the lifestyle. We work hard. We let go of our childish innocence. Let abandon play, our dreams. We get the stuff we thought was better. What happens? We don’t even notice this is what we were so desperate to have. We’re not even grateful, but now we want more. We work harder. We get the stuff again & it feels even more hollow this time. What is wrong with us??

The Universe is telling me to return to the innocence I lost, return to the simple joys that I always knew were right for me. “But I want a big piece of countryside land!” I blurted out to Source.

“Sure. You can have that. But that’s not the big deal you think it is. Like I said, your thing is singing & writing. You can do anything else along the way. You can be anywhere. None of those other details matter too much.”

What a relief I felt. If I made a big decision, it wouldn’t be right or wrong. I wouldn’t be missing out on some critical segment of my Divine life path. I didn’t have to get to anywhere special. I just needed to be right here & express. Why was the truth so simple?

————

When I was 23, I started my first business. It was successful from the start. I didn’t borrow money & it was profitable from the day we opened. I ran a small English language tutoring centre in Southern China. The centre supported 5 teachers & 70 students. How did I manage to take the leap of faith & dump years of savings into this gamble? I was playing in that innocent, whimsical land of trust & willingness to give it a go.

There was no overthinking it.—Just goals, passion & focus. I printed off 50 sheets of paper (this was before we were introduced to the concept of being digital to go easy on the planet), did a local survey in my neighborhood to find out where the demand was, and invited the suitable respondents to an English language party, where I introduced the parents & children to my language immersion programme.

Only one kid shows up. No problem. His fees cover the hourly rate for the teacher I hired. Yes, it was a good fee structure! I use that creative energy & enthusiasm. I put together a unique curriculum incorporating phonetics, sight reading, songs & storytelling. Soon there are two kids, then three, then four. Now I’m hiring another teacher, and other.

————

I get it now. I’m the Creator. With openness & optimism, I can have amazing experiences & no matter what happens, I can stand in the face of everything. I remember the place I was in before I started dating all the wrong men & getting lost, before I gave up my power, my purpose, my strength. I see clearly that it never left me. I only forgot to draw on my true nature. Thank you for showing me who I really am.