I saw Marianne clinging, sad and hurt by what he did. How he didn’t show up for her, how she blamed him…all that resentment. I wanted to scream. Marianne!

Like a FLASH, I was there in my pink cotton puffer jacket and thick amaranth corduroy pants, getting muddy on my knees…Here I was just over three decades later, doing the exact same thing I was doing when I was five.

“Do other people spend as much time on social media as I did this Sunday morning?…Am I too much of a party animal?…It was hard to see where I was going wrong.”

My father would pass away suddenly, only four months after my experience with meeting Source…Sometimes I was angry. Sometimes I forgot he was part of our family.

…I remember the place I was in before I started dating all the wrong men & getting lost, before I gave up my power, my purpose, my strength. I see clearly that it never left me. I only forgot to draw on my true nature. Thank you for showing me who I really am.

The emotional pain was so intense that I began screaming…You can only take so much suffocation before you start to panic.

*Graphic created with www.kittl.com

…why the heck was I so desperate? And when did I become obsessed with boys? Who was going to unpack all this psychology? Not a 14-year-old, I’ll tell you that.

Something was eating away at the fiber of my being from the very core & I couldn’t hack it…So you tell yourself you love yourself & the problem goes away right?

There’s more to see, but I’m scared. I get the impression that to continue on the journey, I need to discard my sense of self.

…I had just come out of a bad break-up, my first real brush with the feeling of letting go of someone or something you didn’t expect to loose so suddenly, the kind that crushes to you to the core, the puppy love you thought would last forever. Next minute, you’re heaving over suffocating; it feels like your very heart has been torn out of your chest.

Now the voices of doubt in my head begin.

“Mother Ayahuasca never called you.”

Here I am, lying on a bare mattress in the middle of the Costa Rican jungle, mosquitos by the ears, keeping me grounded. You have no idea how important this is, what it took to get here.